Tuesday, September 20, 2011

dear friends....

I have moved... I now live here: AVALON

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

morning meditation

constant visitors to the garden at Villa Maria. the white cockatoo. a ruffian of the bird world.. often destroying my orange tree.

the birdlife is abundant here right now, as I sat doing an early morning meditation, outside, bare feet on the ground.. the traffic faded into a quiet background noise against the cacophony of bird call that heralds springtime romances - the wattlebirds, the flock of tiny finches flying overhead, high above. their tweeting becoming louder as they fly directly over me. bower birds, rosellas & lorikeets, all in unison as if in a springtime choir. broken only by the sudden screeching that only a white cockatoo is capable of . the screech makes me gasp.. a sudden realization that I am in such a different land to most of my online friends. this awareness brings me gently to a gratefulness for being here. as I sit, a gentle spring breeze ruffles my hair gently, bringing with it a hint of jasmine, which, although not a native to this land - it is an inhabitant now, none the less. like me, growing in a foreign country when ancestral roots belong elsewhere

I open my eyes - herbs of coriander & parsley

iris & bluebells


dandelion, chicory & dock..
ALL spill into my vision.. surrounding me with bright springtime energy

yesterday, we received the keys to our new home in Katoomba.. while there, i took the opportunity to close my eyes and just absorb the energy. the wind was blowing gently. a cooling early spring breeze. kind of blowing through my aura. I felt a calmness come over me.. and I felt at peace.

here at Villa Maria, as I begin to pack up yet again...the blackbird continues to sing outside. the magnolia is blooming, the bluebells poking their strong stems high above the leaves.. trees of all kinds are dressing themselves in their springtime finery.
I think our new home will be called 'Avalon' - [where the ancient religion of the Mother Goddess was born - Mists of Avalon]

Thursday, September 8, 2011

life hits me with a thud...[ thank God for friends]

every body hurts some... times... so the song goes...is it really ok to post on a blog about how one is grieving and hurting? what is the etiquette with this? not sure.

two days ago.. my ex-father in law died.. he was 88... long lovely life. very sick so it is a blessing. I am ok with it..

this morning I received a phone call from my friend Peter [I have blogged about him a few times]... telling me that a mutual friend's daughter had taken her own life. 35 yrs old. I am in shock - why? comes to mind.. no answers.. hurting for her parents and siblings...

Peter proceeds to tell me that our friend Maureen

[affectionately known as Maws..] has just been told she has maybe, 4 to 6 mths to live. my mouth goes dry. I feel sick. I mourn deep inside for my own loss. she has been a mentor, an encourager, a mother, a friend. she is 75 - I am not ready to lose her yet. no. I call her, she doesn't tell me about her diagnosis of cancer - she says that she has a cough and is having tests.. and then asks me how I have been..

I feel lost. hurting... I drive up to Avis & Bill [other friends], just wanting to be with someone... crying all the way. eyes red... I walk in and blubber.. crying.. they let me cry. let me talk. for 4 hours.

feeding me and offering cups of tea, love, nurturing.. support and friendship.
it seems that most of my friends are older than I am.. twenty years or more.. I love each of them individually, in their own right - for what they give my life.. but I cannot bear to think of losing them..the little girl that I am feels like stamping my feet, shaking my fist at God.. the adult keeps saying this is the Circle of Life..
I hate the empty feeling in the pit of my stomach.. I hate the feeling of loss.. of change..
"She seemed to come suddenly upon happiness as if she had surprised a butterfly in the Winter woods"
(edith wharton)