sitting here, reading comments as they come in.. some wondering how i am doing, i have forced myself to sit and post..
I am not doing that well. I have a deep sadness or melancholy around me at the moment. Like I am displaced. I feel as if I don't belong. that I am scattered.
I don't regret for one minute moving from Inglewood. I still love Villa Maria.. but I feel as if I am out of body.
I have not meditated since I moved in or journaled. I know I must, but I can't. I haven't even lit candles on my altar.. something I did religiously every single day when I lived in Woodford.
we live in chaos.
no stove or heating except for small column heaters that dot the house. we are waiting on natural gas to be connected and our stove is coming from England and won't be here til September. Eating out has become a chore. I crave for a home cooked meal.. that is easy to prepare.. yes, I am cooking sometimes in the slow cooker.. but have no facility to boil rice or steam vegies.
small peanuts compared to some others in the world. but this is my world.. and right now, i feel lost and displaced. scattered. I am tired of putting on a happy face for everyone.. when all I want to do is sob. but I can't sob, because then people will think I regret moving and I don't. no. I just cannot put my finger on this.....
our first family memory was made at Villa Maria last weekend, with the celebration of our youngest daughters 21st..
[her birthday 'cake' was a tower of cup cakes or patty cakes as we call them here]
a lovely champagne brunch with friends and family at the Ori cafe, a favourite of ours. Sophie has now gone on a weeks holiday to Queensland and then is off to Holland in September for 10 days. she has growing up so fast, [it is like just yesterday that I woke to see her little head ensconced in a very brightly striped beanie..] and I think this also contributes to my melancholy..
so many changes in such a short time..
what else?.. dutch husband and I have booked ourselves a short break away to Uluru and the Olgas .. sacred places of our indigenous people. i am so looking forward to this.. and we are in the beginning stages of organising a trip to America next year to ride part of route 66