Everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes [R.E.M.]
I am sure there is a song about the emotional blues that are experienced after Christmas.. if not, then there should be. Am I the only one that came crashing down on the day after Christmas.. a day that is known as Boxing Day in Australia.
I had a big crash this year.. and it is still going on..
this is the first Christmas without my son here.. and my heart aches. I spoke to him on the phone but that is not the same..our family is changing..
Christmas morning breakfast was different. where I use to entertain up to 10 friends with a lovely civilized breakfast, this year people could not come.. some popping in for champagne and orange but didn't eat.. at 10.30am, Joe and I sat down to a cooked breakfast by ourselves.. [it is time to rethink for next Christmas]
I cried all day on the 26th.. and 27th I took to my bed. with a book. Dark Night of the Soul by Thomas Moore. a book that does help me through these times. but still the absolute loss, sadness, ache deep within my soul.
I usually fight it.. but this time, I am trying to go with it, to take heed of Thomas Moore's words. God seems far away - that is normal.. although I am told He/She is with me always. at times like this I feel all alone. candles are lit, oils burn in my oil burner. a rug is wrapped around me.
at times I feel guilty for being sad.. I have many blessings I know - but all my life I have shoved the sad feelings down, forced myself to smile a manic smile.. and now the sadness is is coming up.. through the centering prayer I am doing.. things are being brought to the surface to heal.. and I am grateful for that...
and like I said, my blessings are many.. a safe port in this storm:
last night I had a dream... I dreamed that I picked up 5 gold coins... and a little while later I discovered that one had turned into a medal of Our Lady.. a gold medal of Our Lady.. what does that mean?