Tuesday, December 28, 2010

the post christmas blues - every body hurts... sometimes....

[my youngest grandson, Charlie - 15mths old]

everybody hurts sometimes,
Everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes [R.E.M.]

I am sure there is a song about the emotional blues that are experienced after Christmas.. if not, then there should be. Am I the only one that came crashing down on the day after Christmas.. a day that is known as Boxing Day in Australia.

I had a big crash this year.. and it is still going on..

this is the first Christmas without my son here.. and my heart aches. I spoke to him on the phone but that is not the same..our family is changing..

Christmas morning breakfast was different. where I use to entertain up to 10 friends with a lovely civilized breakfast, this year people could not come.. some popping in for champagne and orange but didn't eat.. at 10.30am, Joe and I sat down to a cooked breakfast by ourselves.. [it is time to rethink for next Christmas]

I cried all day on the 26th.. and 27th I took to my bed. with a book. Dark Night of the Soul by Thomas Moore. a book that does help me through these times. but still the absolute loss, sadness, ache deep within my soul.

I usually fight it.. but this time, I am trying to go with it, to take heed of Thomas Moore's words. God seems far away - that is normal.. although I am told He/She is with me always. at times like this I feel all alone. candles are lit, oils burn in my oil burner. a rug is wrapped around me.

at times I feel guilty for being sad.. I have many blessings I know - but all my life I have shoved the sad feelings down, forced myself to smile a manic smile.. and now the sadness is is coming up.. through the centering prayer I am doing.. things are being brought to the surface to heal.. and I am grateful for that...
and like I said, my blessings are many.. a safe port in this storm:

my four grandsons: Jack, Thomas, Charlie & Harry

last night I had a dream... I dreamed that I picked up 5 gold coins... and a little while later I discovered that one had turned into a medal of Our Lady.. a gold medal of Our Lady.. what does that mean?


Sheila said...

After all the work and everything that goes into getting ready for Christmas, I'd be surprised if most people didn't feel a little let down when all the fuss is over.

Your grandsons are beautiful. I love their names too, solid old fashioned names..

I think you are doing the right thing, snuggling up with a book and a blankie.

This too shall pass.

gemma said...

I have experienced after Christmas blues in years past. It is all the work we do wanting things to be perfect. Sometimes they just aren't what we expected.Change is the only thing that remains the same in life....it is always changing. All shall be well.
I would just love to throw my arms around those grandsons of yours. Precious everyone of them.

Magical Mystical Teacher said...

It means...I think your soul knows what it means...it is a gift...

deb did it said...

I really don't know what it means, but hold onto the vision of "Our Lady" and await her message. It promises to be important...as you dreamed it! Therefor believe in it! I understand the holiday blues and changing traditions around holidays. My son is currently serving his second tour of duty in Iraq. This makes me feel extremely sad. But maybe I will dream of golden coins tonight!

Cheryl@Gingerbread Crafts said...

I do know what you mean, all the hype coming up to Christmas and then BLAH! Sorry you are so sad. This year my body decided that Boxing Day was a great day to get sick on, I've been in bed with flu since.

The first thing that popped into mind when I read about the 5 gold coins, was that you showed a picture of your 4 Grandsons and that possibly the 5th coin turning into the medal of Our Lady could mean that there will be a Granddaughter soon.

rebecca said...

my dear miss R,
i am right beside you..lighting candles...whispering kindness. all these matters of the heart...no one is unscathed. thank you for your honesty, your willingness to unburden your heart.
come in, she said, i'll give you shelter from the storm....

Moonroot said...

I'm sorry you are sad. I myself got the post-Christmas blues this year, which took me by surprise.
It was the first Christmas I have spent without my family (they were gathered at my sister's across the other side of the country - we (IB and I) were invited but unable to go because we couldn't get anyone to look after the animals). We were also snowed in which was getting very frustrating. Then I heard an old Christmas song which reminded me of happier times with my ex-husband - before I knew it I was in deep depression which I couldn't seem to shake. I sat in the bath and cried and cried, tears dripping down my nose into the water.
I eventually realised that I was mourning my old life - things have changed so fast over the last couple of years and I haven't really had time to process it all. Something about Christmas just seems to bring it all to the surface. Anyway, like you I decided to go with it, to take this quiet time as an opportunity to go deep within, feel my pain and release it.
Amazingly, it seems to be working. I feel things shifting and starting to heal.
I wish the same for you. I hope you can find the time and space to give your pain the chance to be transformed.
Sending you gentle thoughts and warm midwinter Blessings. X

Fire Byrd said...

I cried on Christmas Eve when my youngest went off with his girlfriend not to return till mid morning Christmas Day. I cried yesterday when my eldest went back to London.
I mourn the loss of those childhood Christmas's and haven't found the way to the new ones yet.
The only thing to do is to be kind to myself till I feel emotionally and physically better.
You are so not alone Robyn in your feelings

A bird in the hand said...

Don't fight it. Let it wash through you. If you fight it, it just gets bigger and harder to shift :)

5 coins, for me, would symbolize stress and anxiety, and one turning into a medal would suggest that you have the strength to get through it. But, more importantly, what does the dream mean to you?

Love, C.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Sorry to hear that you have the post-Christmas letdown blues. I hope they pass soon. In tarot, the 5 of coins (pentacles) card represents loss and hard times (either health-wise or money-wise) but I would say that fact that one card turns into a holy medal of the Virgin means that She will protect, help and nourish you in any time of need.

Janet said...

In the past I've sometimes felt a let-down when Christmas is over but this year I'm oddly energized by it. I'm looking forward to the new year and I'm just glad to have all the hub bub of the holidays behind me.

If you feel sad then really feel it. Don't try to cover up your feelings because they'll still be there. Acknowledge them, feel them, and move through them.

Winterwood said...

echoing all the other posters words, such wise women here with good words to share. I found moonroots words so sad about letting go of those emotions and crying in the bath... so I think its good to let it all go and feel those feelings like Janet said, and dont try to cover them. I'm also glad the holidays are over and time for a clean brand new start with the coming new yr!!! thinking of you!

Imogen said...

Your honesty about these "inadmissable" things like feeling blue after Christmas is inspiring. Have just been reading one of my oldest friends on how she intends to spend a year "doing unto others" as she's had such a rotten year in 2010 (where lots of us would have decided to "do unto self"!); now your openness and honesty about the difficulties of not seeing your son and worrying about him; I feel thoroughly humbled and very glad to know two such old-fashionedly decent and honourable people.
Your dream sounds to me like hope coming in to reassure in times of worry and doubt. May your new year bring continuing healing and growth, and plenty of time with your family.

"She seemed to come suddenly upon happiness as if she had surprised a butterfly in the Winter woods"
(edith wharton)