yes. I am still here. just.

the past weeks have been very difficult for me in various ways. not earth shattering sorrows. but just generally feeling 'down in the dumps' as my grandmother would say.

I have been feeling lost & so lonely even when surrounded by a room full of people. even when sitting on the lounge with Joe. I feel alone.
then again, I don't feel as if I am home - I feel like I am marking time, Villa Maria.. does not feel like home. I know I am expecting too much in such a short time, it is not even a year since we moved. I also know that I have made the right decision in moving.. for whatever reason it is. and I still don't have a clue as to what that is.
somedays I just lie in my room on the cane lounge, snuggling under one of my old quilts and look out the window at the cold trees. the sun does not have warmth in it. I know it is winter.. but down here in Springwood the cold is bone chilling.. where as up in Woodford was a brisk cold, made me feel like I was alive & I would run out into the garden every day. here, I cannot even face the garden right now.

so. I thought I would jump into blogging again..or rather - take a few online workshops to get me out of this funk.

Wishcasting.this weeks prompt from Jamie is "What do you wish for your health?"perfect! because my slump/depression/melancholy/sadness.. [whatever I wish to call it..], began a few weeks ago when I found out that i had low vitamin D & high lipoprotein levels in my blood. and am now on a very low carb/no sugar eating plan.
and struggling, because I love cake

so what do i wish for my health?
I wish that the food that I take into my body is used to nourish body, mind and spirit. that my adrenal glands, thyroid & liver are all working perfectly - together. doing the work that they are meant to do. lowering cholesterol & boosting my immune system. my liver filters the toxins from daily living. my hormonal system is 100% balanced.. and as my body begins to heal itself, I find that my own self becomes joyful.

today I grab my camera and take a picture of me..

and of course doctored it - but I still look at myself and well, truthfully, i judge myself harshly. I don't like my nose. my teeth are crooked. and of course, now I have a wrinkly neck. working on loving self.. difficult.


I also joined you are your own muse - with Vivienne McMaster - just two days ago.. a self portrait e-course adventure.. I am looking forward to this adventure.. learning how to use my new camera and playing. fun!

so there you go - other things have been happening too... lots to tell.. just gotta get out of this funk.

lots of things.. all different [+ a note at the end on the downside of blogging]

I bought quite a few plants from the nursery early last week.. chicory, dandelions. yes, some may think they are a weed, but I want to make my own dandelion root tea and use the leaves for a liver detox salad.. but I am also going to try to grow them from seed. Joe is going to make me a little greenhouse so I can nurture seeds and seedlings from scratch.
I had some more work done on my tattoo [much to my mothers disgust, but it is a spiritual thing for me..].. a locket.. Joe has the key. in a few weeks, a celtic cross will complete this part of my tatto-ing.
then a busy weekend just gone

first of all was a visit to my favourite little shop [or one of them].. Frou-Frou. I am quite good friends with the owner Parisa and Jacqui her gorgeous assistant. these girls have a style that cannot be found anywhere else. they just moved shop to bigger premises and the grand-opening was Saturday

Sunday dawned bright and gorgeous. National Permaculture day. Joe and I took ourselves off to visit some of the permaculture gardens that were opened.. but not before breakfast in Katoomba.

Common Grounds Cafe. owned by the Twelve Tribes of Israel. a religious community. who dress in lovely clothes and have a simplicity about them. they remind me of Little House on the Prairie. the food is delish. cooked with love. and that is important.before we started on the gardens, we ducked into another junk shop. outside there is all manner of bits and pieces for renovating. Joe foraged for a while & I looked for a round coffee table. My taste in decorating Villa Maria has changed quite abit since I moved. it is looking very Italianate now.. blue velvet lounge. Heavy italian dining setting and I have even sold the green welsh dresser and replaced it with a cream and pine one. I found a lovely round coffee table to match Villa Maria. seems like she is still decorating herself.. it is perfect! all I had to do was wait til it came along.
then off to the gardens.. we visited three. all different. the first one had a chook pen and we chatted for quite sometime with the owners about the delight of being chicken owners. I exchanged phone numbers with a young girl just starting out. she lives around the corner and wants me to help her and her husband get a garden going! wow. I am happy to share what I know.

then to my favourite of all time. Daysprings in Hazelbrook. I know the owner well. She sometimes holds day workshops called 'Spirituality in the Garden' - a day of reflecting as you wander around her garden and eat her harvest.. following is a collection of photos from my day there yesterday

in the garden everything is used. old tins, tablecloths and other bits. that is what permaculture is all about.

french sorrel. [I could swear this was beetroot.. but no, was assured it is the sorrel] she had some for sale. I bought a plant and now must find what I can do with it.. another green for my liver tonic garden!

she had ducks. I would love ducks.. and I think I have just about persuaded Joe..


tea pots tucked amidst the English Spinach. creating a little bit of whimsy

amaranth.. I want some!

then to the next garden in Glenbrook.. a neater garden than the last but still full of lovely ideas.

a pyramid created to net vegies and fruit. Joe will make me some of these for my garden. birds and possums are a problem here and it makes me weep [and angry] when I go out in the morning and plants have been eaten.

everything is used. old dish draining racks and shelves from a fridge, protect young plants from pests.

a fun time has been my last few days!

one last thing. a downside of blogging.
something is beginning to bother me a little..
a few times now, I have had comments from someone who lives very near. [they may even know where i live or we may pass in the street. I don't know. I am very open in the way i blog and I am not going to change that]
only once or twice have they commented, but both times the comments have been to correct something I have said or disagree with what I have said. never anything positive.
I refuse to publish these and would prefer if the reader would just stop reading. yes, i know everyone has the right to their own opinion and I am fine with that but only if they comment at other times.
I know a friend or two of mine have had similar happen lately when they blog.. people taking it upon themselves to harass a blogger for her words.
there are some very odd people in this world.and that is it.. what will be next at Villa Maria?...