the past weeks have been very difficult for me in various ways. not earth shattering sorrows. but just generally feeling 'down in the dumps' as my grandmother would say.
I have been feeling lost & so lonely even when surrounded by a room full of people. even when sitting on the lounge with Joe. I feel alone.
then again, I don't feel as if I am home - I feel like I am marking time, Villa Maria.. does not feel like home. I know I am expecting too much in such a short time, it is not even a year since we moved. I also know that I have made the right decision in moving.. for whatever reason it is. and I still don't have a clue as to what that is.
somedays I just lie in my room on the cane lounge, snuggling under one of my old quilts and look out the window at the cold trees. the sun does not have warmth in it. I know it is winter.. but down here in Springwood the cold is bone chilling.. where as up in Woodford was a brisk cold, made me feel like I was alive & I would run out into the garden every day. here, I cannot even face the garden right now.
so. I thought I would jump into blogging again..or rather - take a few online workshops to get me out of this funk.
Wishcasting.this weeks prompt from Jamie is "What do you wish for your health?"perfect! because my slump/depression/melancholy/sadness.. [whatever I wish to call it..], began a few weeks ago when I found out that i had low vitamin D & high lipoprotein levels in my blood. and am now on a very low carb/no sugar eating plan.
and struggling, because I love cake
so what do i wish for my health?
I wish that the food that I take into my body is used to nourish body, mind and spirit. that my adrenal glands, thyroid & liver are all working perfectly - together. doing the work that they are meant to do. lowering cholesterol & boosting my immune system. my liver filters the toxins from daily living. my hormonal system is 100% balanced.. and as my body begins to heal itself, I find that my own self becomes joyful.
today I grab my camera and take a picture of me..
and of course doctored it - but I still look at myself and well, truthfully, i judge myself harshly. I don't like my nose. my teeth are crooked. and of course, now I have a wrinkly neck. working on loving self.. difficult.
I also joined you are your own muse - with Vivienne McMaster - just two days ago.. a self portrait e-course adventure.. I am looking forward to this adventure.. learning how to use my new camera and playing. fun!
so there you go - other things have been happening too... lots to tell.. just gotta get out of this funk.