two days ago.. my ex-father in law died.. he was 88... long lovely life. very sick so it is a blessing. I am ok with it..
this morning I received a phone call from my friend Peter [I have blogged about him a few times]... telling me that a mutual friend's daughter had taken her own life. 35 yrs old. I am in shock - why? comes to mind.. no answers.. hurting for her parents and siblings...
Peter proceeds to tell me that our friend Maureen
I feel lost. hurting... I drive up to Avis & Bill [other friends], just wanting to be with someone... crying all the way. eyes red... I walk in and blubber.. crying.. they let me cry. let me talk. for 4 hours.
feeding me and offering cups of tea, love, nurturing.. support and friendship.
it seems that most of my friends are older than I am.. twenty years or more.. I love each of them individually, in their own right - for what they give my life.. but I cannot bear to think of losing them..the little girl that I am feels like stamping my feet, shaking my fist at God.. the adult keeps saying this is the Circle of Life..
I hate the empty feeling in the pit of my stomach.. I hate the feeling of loss.. of change..