from my journal:
while I was on retreat, reflecting on my spiritual journey, quite often the issue of fear came up for me in my thoughts and journaling. fear of not being accepted.. this could stem from my teenage years of feeling as if I were the odd one out. I was quite a serious and 'soulful' girl.. not at all like the normal teens.. and I was laughed at and ridiculed and most times not accepted as one of the gang. so I shunned Jesus.. and became one of the girls... and it went on into my late teens as a young mother and early twenties... not being 'religious' because it was not cool.. but always deep in my soul was the yearning..
and the past few years of searching & delving into other beliefs.. has brought me full circle. back to my strong yearning for God...... I haven't given up my love of the Wheel of the year - I can still follow that but I must finally accept that I am a follower of Jesus. .. and still there is a resistance in my very being.. but also, a welling up of joy in my heart
even now when i read this journal entry, i have the Jesus aversion... fear of being branded a religious nut, a bible basher.. the need to explain.. *sigh*
so what has been happening at Villa Maria?
gardening on the weekend, bought me back to my groundedness...
making my traditional Christmas cake...
a swig or two of brandy for the cake, not for me.. [I tried Brandy once - thinking I was very sophisticated, sipping it from a brandy balloon in front of an open fire when Joe and I were away on a romantic weekend.. sipped once and just about fainted from the fumes !!]
stirring wishes, love and dreams into each slice..
and the first Sunday of Advent..
the first Sunday in Advent.. a gorgeous cool, misty mountains day.. the first candle lit...
sharing thoughts from a friend:
Advent is to be used as a time of preparing to give birth to the Christ within, to prepare every cell of our bodies to carry the Light of Christ that has come into our world. Prepare ye the way of the Lord is a phrase we hear and say a lot during the Advent time. With each week that we increase the light symbolically with our Advent wreath and Altar, we have an opportunity to allow more Light-Flow into our world through us, the living incarnate word Jesus left behind to do the work..