another first at Villa Maria..

our first Easter
starting Saturday night. Joe & I went to Easter Vigil Mass.. kind of like an anniversary for me. I wore my gold cross ear-rings that Joe gave me this time 20yrs ago & my Miraculous medal.. sadly, the Vigil Mass at St. Thomas's was not the spiritually uplifting Mass that it usually is.. there were no candles to be lit as 'the light of Christ has come into our world' , nor was communion taken in both bread & wine. Just the bread.. which is perfect of course, but if the Easter Vigial is THE most important Mass of the year..would you not think that it should all be special. our current Priest has a smile that doesn't go up into his eyes.. and he will not shake hands with the people as they leave the church. [I was spoiled when I went through the year of Emmaus journey 20years ago with a loving Priest] I pray to God that our parish gets a new priest soon.. but, *sigh* I must remember that this is not between the priest and myself.. it is between God & I..
early Sunday morning I took myself off to a neighbouring parish.. hoping to get some spiritual upliftment.. and I did.. in the reading of Colossians, there was a big message for me.. I am going to sit with this for some time in Lectio Divina..

Sunday lunch was a family affair.. smaller than usual.. but special all the same. a mix of generations.. a traditional lunch of roast organic lamb, roast vegies, cauliflower in white sauce & for dessert, an apple crumble of my own 'design'.. using walnuts & oats.

plus the obligatory easter fare: fairtrade organic chocolate.

after lunch we went for an autumn walk.. with Harry doing some foraging of his own.. dandelion flowers and autumn leaves. he took his treasures home in a brown paper bag.

and to finish our LONG weekend holiday off.. the ANZAC March in Springwood.

always first to the Legacy Ladies.. to buy Anzac biscuits. yum. even on this low carbohydrate eating plan, I allowed myself one or two today - for tradition sake.

doesn't matter how many times I go, those brave men sitting in the jeeps.. getting older each year.. bring tears to my eyes and a lump in my throat.

a few days

Holy Thursday dawned bright & sunny.. a gorgeous autumn day.
Joe and I went for an early morning walk so that I could investigate what weeds were available to forage.

the lovely thing about living in a small community is that sometimes you come across things like this:

a bag of surplus Ruby grapefruit.. left there to share with passers by
After lunch, I had planned to catch the train to Katoomba by myself to purchase my organic nuts, seeds & lentils. I arrived just on lunch time and took myself off to lunch at a favourite 'The Hattery'.. ordered a pumpkin & lentil burger without the burger thankyou very much. and a spicy chai latte.

visited Zuri - an eco friendly shop and bought a small box of fairtrade easter eggs to have on Sunday after lunch. Plus a lovely ball of handmade lavender and chamomile soap.. then lastly a big bag of fresh walnuts in the shell [last year I went walnut gathering but this year the local walnuts are scarce due to far too much rain. my purchased walnuts come from Tasmania.. not perfect for Slow Food but better than coming from California and being irradiated as they come into our country]

(I have been pondering lately, the safety of irradiated food coming from overseas - organic nuts, seeds and dried fruit from all over the world, subjected to gamma rays during quarantine.. are they still organic? are they safe to eat?)

then back on the train heading home to Villa Maria..

THEN to the local supermarket shopping for organic chicken and lamb for the weekend. [have no idea why so many shoppers think that they will starve to death over the Easter break and load their trolleys to the top with food..]

The Lords Supper Mass at night.. Joe and I walked up to St. Thomas's. [as I sat during Mass, reflecting on my journey, listening to the readings, I realized that this is part of my own folklore].. those stories can all be mine.. I just have to find a way to relate them to what is happening in my own life.. .. afterwards, we walked home in the moon light.. then I returned to the church, to sit in the Garden and did some centering prayer..

[Easter time is very close to my heart as 19yrs ago, I was confirmed into the Catholic church.. I love the tradition of the incense, chanting and candles.]

Good Friday..dawned to a perfect Good Friday if there can be one.. sunny but with clouds slowly moving across the sky as I went to greet the day and do my morning blessings.. a real stillness.

the planned chicken soup gets under way with the chopping of organic carrots, celery, onion & garlic. parsley picked from my garden and a bay leaf plucked from my tree.. all thrown into the pot along with the chicken to simmer gently for a few hours..
this will be lunch tomorrow and then for a few days on.. adding bits just as my grandma did.
and then 10am..another walk to the Church for me.. to attend Stations of the Cross..
lunch was a frittata made from my own eggs, a few leaves of Kale, parsley & tomatoes..
a few hours in the garden planting mustard greens, radicchio, leeks, parsley and coriander..

and a start to making my own gem essence for my liver, throat chakra and heart.
another walk back to church at 3pm - the Passion of Christ..
dinner Salmon & Puy lentil patties, a glass of red with a dash of water and settling down to watch James Herriot - All Creatures Great and Small. a small glass of parsley-honey wine with a small piece of dark organic chocolate..

fears

Spirituality is not to be learned by flight from the world, or by running away from things, or by turning solitary and going apart from the world. Rather, we must learn an inner solitude wherever or with whomsoever we may be. We must learn to penetrate things and find God there.

I have fears. we all have them, I know. But i have a deep seated fear and until last week, had no idea where it came from. the fear of being alone or being abandoned.

i traced back my grandmothers and great grandmothers as I knew of them.. Laura was left a widow at a young age with 7 children in a strange land [Australia].. maybe yes, she had her fears, but she continued on in this land and raised successfully, all her children. my Nan - I cannot remember her being fearful like i am - nor my grandma.. but my mother.. yes, she is a fearful woman - her whole day is spent in fear of this, that or the other.... so it must have come from her and I found out a story a few weeks ago.. she seems to be reminiscing alot and that is good for me, because as she does, I learn more about myself.

when she was a young woman, pregnant with me.. my father would lock her in a cellar and leave her there while he went to work. Can you imagine the fear she must have felt?

while on retreat, sitting in the silence.. an epiphany or light bulb moment for me..

tucked into my little womb-cocoon, I absorbed that fear into my developing cells..

feeling alone and abandoned.. and born into a life of fear.. fear of anger & violence [must say, though, that my father did go on in his later life - to become remorseful and sorry for what he had done. and I loved him no matter what. he was a product of his journey too. like we all are]

while on retreat, talking to my spiritual director.. i was seeing visions as we talked.. of me wrapped securely in the womb, surrounded by light.. protected by angels and guardians..so I took myself out into the garden with my journal and drew what I saw.. and then using my fingers on the watercolour paints, I just played.

I must work with this.. to release and let go of that primal fear.. to accept it for what it was.. part of my journey. But also, I must find a mantra that will help me with negative thought patterns.. one I can say as I go about my day..

the Moon has just gone past full and tonight, driving down the road, I was in awe of her brightness. I must admit, since moving here to Villa Maria, I have become distant to the Moon & Earth. Not feeling a connection at all..and that bothers me. I love Villa Maria.. but the garden does not stir my soul as Inglewood did.. it will take time.

Sometimes, when I am in the garden, I feel ethereal.. not grounded - a very odd energy. that bothers me too. I miss my currawongs from Woodford.. it is all so different. The leaves don't turn here as vibrant as they did.. even people are different.. at Woodford they were more alternate, laid back.. here in Springwood they don't wear garden boots like me, or have a hippy-like garden or burn incense at their front door.. there is constant noise of those silly leaf blowers, whipper-snippers.. constant noise.. till inside my head screams 'shut-up!!'

even my little Sacred room seems alien.. it will take time for the prayers to stick to the walls.. it seems foreign..

but I know it was the exact right thing to do. . to sell and move.. so now begins my journey of belonging & connecting once again I will walk more. alone. yes.. that is a must.

my herbalist has advised me to eat alot more greens..

so now begins the task of growing kale, chicory & beans.

Spinach & peas and other bitter herbs like chickweed [much like my grandma did].. all good for lowering cholesterol or more accurately - the Lipoprotein A in my blood which is high.. no carbs much at all.. lots of protein.. and from my side, I am going to make some gem essences this week using bloodstone, aventurine & amazonite... all good for the blood and liver.

epiphany

it seems that I am going within - just like the wheel of the year.. withdrawing, not having much to say.. sometimes i feel panic rising up inside when i have nothing to blog about.. fear of the silence once again. I am constantly filling my life [and my head] with constant chatter

I learned something about myself while on retreat.. it was like a small epiphany..
where my fear comes from. where it originated from. I still don't know whether or not to share it here..I am not even sure if readers want to know..we shall see. but it is a big part of my journey. a very big part.

cobwebs in the very early morning dew.. they reminded me of faery chandeliers.I pondered this while away on retreat.. i pondered what, you, my very small handful of readers want to know about.. a few of my readers have been with me from the beginning.. and know that my blog is mostly about the evolving of my soul. so dear friends.. what is it you wish to know about life at Villa Maria? the garden, my day or my soul searching?

what is happening at Villa Maria

1. I am taking vitamin D for a while. My naturopath has also advised me that I must sit out in the sun - midday. for 10 mins with my belly bared. apparently, the liver & solar plexus needs the sun to synthesize the Vitamin D.. makes sense.. solar is the sun.. and yellow is the colour of this chakra

2. I made parsley honey wine during the week.. according to St. Hildegarde's recipe. I now sip a small glass each night.. helps the heart... so the book says.

3. wearing blue chalcedony for the nerves and a blue lace agate for my throat chakra..

4. more tests to be done next week for my thyroid but the ultrasound for a goitre was all clear [and whoever called it a goitre in the first place? what a dreadful, dreadful name]

5. eating less carbohydrates to help the heart & cholesterol level

6. a small glass of red wine is partaken of, each night with dinner. helps the heart. apparently. according to my naturopath.

7. my naturopath plucked some chicory from her garden for me to grow. she wants me to eat lots of greens.. for the heart..

8. I have planted lettuce, beetroot, onions, spinach and garlic during the week. some of which the possums enjoyed overnight.. Joe built some cages to protect the small plants...

9. I have been doing crystal healing on my self each night [blue lace agate for the thyroid, amazonite for the liver, chrysocolla for the heart] .. and adding some reiki. all done while listening to healing bells.

10. I have been trying to make my liver smile. how do I do that? you ask... by visualizing my liver and then a big smile into it.. the liver must, must be joyful

11. I do believe this little health scare was God's way of saying ' hey.. look after yourself. SLOW DOWN. take note..' [and I am]

12. I have decided to become an Oblate.. a journey with the Good Samaritans and St. Benedict. my first meeting today.

13. this afternoon, I go on retreat for the weekend. looking forward to the silence. 'It is in the silence, that you know yourself'....