Tuesday, July 19, 2011
my boy & stuff
on the weekend, I flew down to see my only son. He is happy. very happy & he looks healthy too. I have not seen him look so well in years & years.
I was so looking forward to the trip - to see him again - but it was such a short visit and it has left me with a huge hole in my heart. I just feel like sobbing. I know that i am supposed to let my babies fly - I know, I know. but I miss having him near. I feel like curling up in a little ball and just letting the tears fall.. but I don't. I try to act like the adult, the mature woman that I am.. instead of the lost little girl that I feel like.
I don't know what is the matter with me. am I manic depressive? am I suffering from empty nest syndrome? Joe retired last year and we moved - so many life changing things in such a short period of time. I feel so lost. I cannot for the life of me create a thing. I want to.. but don't know where to start. I cannot even force myself out into the garden. I don't walk nor do I feel connected to Mother Earth one little bit. the woman who looks back at me in the mirror is a stranger. these words are spilling from my heart - not looking for sympathy but just to get them out in a hope that maybe one person will say 'yep, I know exactly how you feel.. and hey, you are ok'......